We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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