your parents love me but you hate me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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