question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
