READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
