youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I want is dick and wine.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
