I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
