just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
