This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
