Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
