i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
