were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
