Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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