you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
