please come you make the beer taste better
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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