He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
