He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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