How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
