i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
