my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
