I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
