When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize