So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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