Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
