quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Of course I have a pirate flag
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
