The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
