epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
