Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
