mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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