My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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