I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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