glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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