I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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