Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
