Sponge bath it is.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
