took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
