Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
