I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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