Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
