I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the raccoons are back...
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