Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
