Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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