She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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