he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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