Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
