i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
