I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
