worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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