I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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