Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
