good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
