loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
