I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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