I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
