Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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