just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
