so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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