So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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