Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
