I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
