Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
