ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
